I’ve been watching a show called Big Love starring Bill Paxton. The show follows Bill Henrickson (Paxton) as he tries to make a living for his family consisting of 3 wives and various children. This is a very thin rope as he is the owner of a chain of home improvement stores and very much in the public eye. He is linked to the UEB compound (a fictional group) which he has to balance because he is constantly fighting against them but is also married to one of the prophet’s daughters.
His first wife did not grow up in a polygamous environment but her family is mainstream LDS and, as a result of her “apostasy”, have disowned her. Many who find out about their lifestyle look down upon them as they practice what is considered a foul lifestyle.
It is quite an interesting show.
This blog is not to promote polygamy or this show but what I have discovered as I have watched this series. I do not desire to practice polygamy nor do I want it for anyone in my family but I have come to various conclusions during this show.
As is promoted in the news with Warren Jeff, the Green’s, and the Kingston’s, polygamy is a very dirty, disgusting, and deplorable practice. I don’t think that some of the practices from any of these are unique around the world. Arranged marriages have been a part of many cultures. Marrying one’s young daughter to an older man is also not unique nor is having more than one spouse. Throughout the world, these practices have been in various societies.
I start to think about those that would look down upon this practice as an abomination and, given that if the Green’s and Kingston’s were the definition of polygamy, that would be correct. In a truer sense, polygamy could be a good and useful practice and may have its place in our society at some points.
I think I might do another blog where I expound on that theory but what I want to address is our perception of that practice compared to some practices. First, I think that any forced marriage, singular or plural, is awful. A marriage should be consentual by both parties. Given that as a first rule for any type of marriage, you can eliminate the underage, wife-swapping practices of the FLDS. You can also eliminate the “God-told- me-I-should-marry-you-to-someone-old-enough-to-be-your-father” prophets.
If you put that in context and allow plural marriages based upon a mutual respect and consent by all parties involved, it becomes something that can be respectable. Now I don’t say that easily but when you compare the current practices in our society, it is actually more desirable than other. How, you say?
Think about what we allow in our country right now. First, and above all is the monogamous marriage. This is desirable above all. To define this type of marriage would be that you marry and have sexual relations with one (and only one) partner of the opposite sex for all your life. You never divorce, you don’t have any pre-marital relations with anyone else, you don’t stray.
Another type of relationship in our country is the long-term but not permanent relationship. This could be boyfriend/girlfriend or marriage that ends in divorce and remarriage. One-night stands, and casual sexual partners is yet another. One type at the top of the controversy list is gay marriage.
Given all of the other types, polygamy isn’t so bad if it is as consentual. Would you rather have a man marry one woman, knock up his mistress and have a divorce, remarrying yet another woman and having kids with her? How is that better than consentual polygamy? Its not. Actually, it could be worse. This guy would probably have the gall to look down on consentual polygamists. Where’s the sense in that?
I’m not saying we should all practice polygamy but I think we need to put things in perspective. Someone who may have multiple casual sexual partners (either at the same time or in a series) is, in my opinion, worse than a consentual polygamist. Why? In the case of the characters of Big Love, Bill wants to love and support his 3 wives. While sex is a definite benefit, it is not necessarily the driving force. He accepts all responsibilities of having 3 wives, raising children, etc. He is not the dead-beat father that we have such an abundance of but is owning his responsibilities.
If we were to rid the world of the deplorable religious zealots that practice polygamy the way we happen to see on the news, and see more of the consentual type, polygamy could be a “respectable” practice. I put it in quotes because it would be respectable compared to the current dead-beat father, one night stand, multiple divorce, lifestyle that we have grown accustomed to currently.
I don’t want to practice polygamy because I can barely handle one wife and couldn’t imagine trying to deal with 2 or 3 of them. I think we just need to put a few things in perspective. I’m not saying we should legalize polygamy but we shouldn’t look down on it so when we have just as many other deplorable relationship practices that we are “OK” with because it happens everyday. Casual sex, pre-marital sex, divorce, extra-marital affairs; these are other deplorable practices and given the context of polygamy, I don’t think polygamy should be as detested as it is or we should detest it all.
